Title: What If You (Sequel to FM Radio)
Author: vaifeal
Pairing: UC: Liz/Dean
Rating: Mildly Mature: language, allusions to violence and sex.
Summary: John loved his sons. He would have done anything for them but some of his decisions had farther reaching consequences than he considered.
Disclaimer: Seriously if I owned it I wouldn't be almost a hundred grand in the hole from school loans.


Chapter 1:

What If You – Joshua Radin

What if you
Could wish me away
What if you
Spoke those words today

Fingers ghosted up her arm, a slight tickle and a slow burn following. She bit her lip to stop the smile that was occupying all the space inside her to show. He didn't need to see it to know. They lived everyday knowing. No matter how much time passed, they still woke up every morning if getting eachother back was just a dream and cherished every moment they had together.

Liz didn't think she'd ever been so happy. Not even when they'd been together. How could she have been? She knew now what it was like to loose him, it made having him so much more.

His fingers traced the contours of her neck and graced down her bare back.

“I love you,” she whispered into his lips voicing her greatest fear. “Don't ever leave me again.”

Dean held her tighter than necessary. She didn't see the heartbreak writ across his face.

I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn

Dean had made a fair amount of decisions in his life that he regretted.

Thinking he could finish off a whole bottle of Jack in an hour. Eating twelve microwave burritos in one sitting. Giving Britney Spears a listen just because she was hot. Thinking Liz would leave him. Not pushing harder to find her. He could make a list pages long of things he wished he'd never done.

When he'd made the deal to bring Sam back, he hadn't thought that'd be on there.

Sam lived. He was okay with going to hell to make that happen.

He watched Nate laugh as he played with the bubbles of his bath, shampoo letting his dark hair stand straight up. Liz grinned and laughed with their son as he roared, letting the dinosaur in one hand crush the boat in the other. Dean felt his heart contract painfully as she turned to him and motioned for him to join the game with a soapy hand.

After all the last couple of years, he wanted to take it and never let go. Wake up next to her. Watch Nate grow. Forget the deal and spend time with his family like he had been. Who cared if the days, weeks, months passed pulling him closer to an end he couldn't find a way around?

“Mooommmyyy.”

Liz put down the pitcher she'd used to wash the soap from Nate's head. The boy whipped the water from his face and tried to glare at his mom, “You are far too young to be using that tone with me little man.”

He could hear the happiness in her voice.

Dean left the bathroom.

But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

“Dammit Dean!” Liz dropped her hands from where they'd been pressed into her forehead ineffectively blocking out his words. Stupid, stupid man. “A deal! Of all the reckless, imprudent, unthinkable...” she struggled to find more words before finally settling on the one all inclusive that she hadn't uttered because of innocent ears always listening: “FUCK”

He stayed quiet and she let out a frustrated growl. Idiotic, self absorbed bastard. Who was he to make those decisions? Who was he to play with their lives?

“Is their anyway out of it?”

“We're looking for one,” she knew what that meant.

There wasn't. At least not one that wouldn't come at a higher price than was already being paid. How many dead ends had Sam already found?

“How long?”

“Six months.”

She leaned her head against the window briefly wondering if she should just take Nate and leave. Her little boy didn't deserve this. It wasn't fair to let him get to know his dad just to have the man taken away.

But then, Dean deserved better than that too. She was fooling herself if she thought she'd ever leave him willingly. No matter how many times he broke her heart; he was still hers.

Turning back to him, wanting to rage against his feckless choice, she felt the anger drain out of her leaving only exhaustion. So, instead she let him fold her against his chest. His breath tickled her cheek as he offered words of comfort, “We'll find a way out of this.”

Liz wished he wouldn't lie.

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

For all his bitching about mullet rock and disgusting eating habits, Sam would do anything for his brother. Lie. Cheat. Steal. Kill. Dean was family, his only family – outside of the newly discovered Nathaniel – and that made his brother the most important person in his life.

So when Dean took the seat next to him on Bobby's porch and said five words that he'd waited to hear for six months, Sam knew that he was going to find a way to break the deal. For himself. For his brother. For Liz. For his nephew.

He was going to do anything he could.

“I don't want to die Sam.”

What if you
Could hear this song
What if I
Felt like I belong

Liz felt like a bitch.

Of all the puzzling things to feel when the victim of lies and false promises and perpetual disappointment, she wondered at that one. There was no reason for her to feel that way. She wasn't distant with Dean, wasn't cruel. She'd accepted everything he'd given. Given all she had to offer. Even helped when she could.

She was a professor, surely she could find answers where others couldn't.

Still, everytime Dean turned to her with those broken green eyes: She felt like a bitch.

Even though she loved him more than anyone save their son. Even though he was an integral part of her and there was no Liz without Dean. She'd never thought she could hate someone she loved so much.

And that made her feel like a bitch.

Liz loved him for being the man he was but that was why she hated him. Because it was that man that was going to leave her again. That man who made decisions with his heart and didn't think of the consequences.

Everyday that passed brought them closer to that end. All she wanted to do was scream. Rage against the world.

It wasn't fair.

I might not be leaving
Oh so soon
Began the night believing
I loved you in the moonlight

Little feet kicked out and swung back landing with two thumps against the Impala's grill. If someone had told him a year ago he'd let a kid do that, Dean would have set them on their ass. Now, he was more worried about making sure Nate fall than any possible damage.

“Whats the best band in the world?”

“Seplin!”

He smiled as Nate carefully watched him check the oil, “That's right.”

Clenching his hand to stop the urge to pick up his son and try to explain why daddy might not be coming home even though he was too young to understand, he settled next to him instead. Tomorrow they'd go after Lilith. Today he was going to spend his day with his family.

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

If this final desperate bid didn't work, if Dean died, there'd be no time for laying in bed for weeks wrapped in his clothes or hours staring into nothing waiting to be woken up. She wouldn't be able to let herself drift away every night and push away every morning. There wouldn't be the chance to reteach herself how to breathe.

At least she got a goodbye.

Liz wasn't that scared girl anymore. She had a son to live for instead of the fear of unknown parental responsibilities. Life would go on. There'd be new jobs, new towns, new obstacles to face. She'd have her family and his to see them through.

Her thighs tightened around Dean's hips.

“Marry me,” his voice rasped along her. She nodded disjointedly knowing that those words were possibly the only thing she'd have left of him. Her nails dug into his skin.

Don't let go.

Don't ever let go.

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

Bobby knew what was waiting for him on the other side of his door. A woman and her son waiting for word on the most important man in their lives. He glanced at Sam, the kid was doing a pretty damn good job keeping himself in one piece given the circumstances. The way he saw it the only reason why was the little boy whose infectious laughter could be heard through the door.

How where they supposed to tell them?

The door opened, Liz's dark head popping out in greeting, her eyes counting them already understanding the message they hadn't said, “Why are you standing out here?”

I could've treated you better
Better than this
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter
Can't stay in one place

Sam followed the woman he'd come to think of as his sister-in-law as she stumbled into the house, her breathing coming in shallow rapid gasps. She bypassed Bobby's booked stacked living room, walking right past her son not registering that he was there. He didn't think she really even knew where she was anymore.

Frantic hands went from face to side to arms to face never finding peace. Lost. Looking for relief.

But there was nothing that would make it better. No words. No actions.

She tripped and fell into the wall, sliding down it to sit heavily on the floor. He could see the violent tremors shaking her slim form.

“Mommy,” Nate stood in the doorway his innocent face filled with confused worry. So much of Dean.

“Oh God,” Liz's silent grief soaked scream filled the room as she clutched herself. “Oh God.”

Pushing away the memory of his brother screaming on the floor as hell hounds ripped him to shreds, he dropped to her side and held her against him. Dean was dead. Really, truly dead. This wasn't any trick by his father in a misguided effort to protect. Dean was dead. He was in hell.

Sam did the only thing he could, “Bobby get him out of here.”

So, for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

Liz crawled into bed with Nate and pulled him close. They were alone again. Just the two of them against the world. No Dean to keep her company. No daddy to make him squeal with joy.

She wondered if she was being punished. If something had happened in a previous life that required this one to be more painful. Maybe fate just hated her. Maybe she didn't deserve to be happy.

What was she supposed to do?

Pushing away those thoughts and the breakdown that would accompany them, she smiled at Nate was he blinked himself awake. Dean's eyes stared back at her and her heart broke, “Don't cry mommy, daddy come home. The angel say so.”

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do

Chapter 2